Eric Thomas tells family to fix sibling's unsafe clutter with specific offers

R. Eric Thomas told a family that safety hazards in a sibling’s home require direct communication, while general clutter is better addressed by offering paid professional help.

The reader, who writes from a household of three adults, described the middle sibling’s report that the youngest sibling’s home had reached an "unsafe disarray." The home contains young children and a spouse who manages the household while dealing with mental health challenges. The family has not visited in a long time because the clutter has always been present.

Thomas separated the problem into two distinct categories. If items are blocking the back door or creating a fire risk, the concerned sibling must speak directly to the parents. He suggested using specific language to describe the hazard. He recommended saying, "I noticed that there are boxes blocking the back door and that’s a safety hazard. Can I help you move those to a closet so it doesn’t endanger your kids or any emergency personnel that might need to get into the home?" He stated that the safety of the children supersedes any fear of defensiveness.

If the mess does not pose an immediate physical danger, Thomas advised against a confrontation. Instead, he suggested the family gift a few housekeeping sessions or a consultation with a home organizer. This approach removes the labor burden without demanding that the homeowners change their habits immediately. The homeowners remain free to accept or decline the gift.

Thomas also addressed the mental health of the stay-at-home parent. He said family members should intervene if they have specific concerns. For general worries, he advised asking, "how can I help?" while being ready with concrete suggestions. He emphasized that the home belongs to the residents, but relatives can relieve burdens by removing obstacles.

The advice column appears in the October 29 edition of the Denver Post. Thomas, based in Philadelphia, answers reader questions about family dynamics and social interactions. The column provides a framework for navigating household issues within non-confrontational families.